The Damage Sluts Adventures in Wonderland
Excuse my cross-pollination of campaigns, but I believe none of this is game-breaking. Includes backstory for Barovia characters, references to Icosahedradome, and one multiverse cameo.
Through the Cooking Class and What Nahk Found There
The third day of repairs on the P.S. Admirable Effort:
At the Archdruid’s Tomb, Abraham and Baltsaros are again engaged in trying to repair the damage that was done when Melody and the children of Findalos tried to resurrect their caretaker the hag Auntie Stitchmouth. With their arcane powers, the two try to study the symbols etched into the sides of the fountain.
Meanwhile, Nahk is foraging for ingredients to replicate the fairy dishes he ate on the night Hobbes almost danced to death. Casimir, in cat form, is using his superior sense of smell to search for the mushrooms needed for the recipe. Nahk lets him know that he is working on a cookbook travelogue of sorts.
A scent trail leads Nahk and Cas to the Archdruid’s Tomb where they find Abe and Baltsaros. The friends all notice, behind the fountain itself, what is usually a black earthen wall, a green twilit clearing with autumnal trees and a creek. A woman sits on a fallen log in the clearing, distraught, contemplating something. She notices the heroes.
“Good day! My friends!” She is tall with brown hair and wire-framed glasses. Her clothes are something from an ancient fresco, outdated but clean and finely stitched: a yellow peplos dress with a brown hooded cloak. “What day is it? I have been lost here for a long while!”
The heroes tell her the day and she remarks that it’s only been three days then. She asks for their help in escaping. The heroes walk in and are transported to the clearing. The woman, however, has disappeared.
An Unexpected Party
The air is different here, and the twilight everlasting. Casimir finds himself unable to turn back into Tibbit form, but decides it’s OK and starts chasing butterflies. Wandering through the woods for some hours (though it’s hard to tell without the sun moving), Cas finds the mushrooms Nahk was looking for (or at least he thinks that is what they are).
A pair of fairy soldiers arrayed in armor find the heroes and ask them to state their business. The heroes inform them that they are searching for a woman, describe her, and the guards mutter something about the Marquise’s daughters.
The heroes arrive at a well-attended tea party. Nahk is nervous due to the dangers of fairy food. The fairies marvel at the big bugbear and his “pet cat,” to which Casimir hisses in response.
The Marquise Sadira and her husband Faroster Devilsgrace arrive: a beautiful fairy woman in a long dress made of peacock feathers and a dour tiefling man dressed like a vampire, whatever that is. You are surprised to find another mortal here (the tiefling) and sit down to tea. The guards then announce the daughters, whom they assumed you were searching for, Senfi Silverdew and her half-sister, the Baron Faroster’s first daughter by the succubus Merhaxia (with whom he desecrated a temple), Alsindre Devilsgrace.
You are dismayed not to find the mysterious woman from the portal, and the guards shrug and say, “I dunno, all mortals look the same to me.” You take it in stride and continue politely passing sandwiches and tea and not partaking of any of it.
But Baltsaros absent-mindedly eats a piece of toast with cucumbers and cream cheese. The heroes all look on with bated breath as Baltsaros’s mouth hangs open. “I was hungry,” his expression grows more and more worried, as Senfi nudges him and hands him a handful of rowan berries. “This is what my sister uses,” she whispers. Baltsaros eats some and says he feels no ill effects.
Nahk is the first to reach over with his 10 foot reach and accept the offered berries. “My mother will be mad I spoiled the fun, but you all seem nice and I like cats,” Senfi says.
Alsindre is very haughty and does not deign to speak to any of you, but Cas is mesmerized by her lovely hat, which has a full clutch of ostrich eggs in it. When Cas compliments it, she says, her nose upturned, “It’s a Thwombly.” Alsindre asks Senfi to ask “the big wooly one” to pass the sugar. When Nahk does so, somewhat put off, he finds that a dormouse is living in the sugar. “Where else would it live?” the Marquise says. Nahk writes this all down.
He then presses two of the toast with cucumbers and cream cheese together and says, “Behold, a Sand Witch!”
The fairies all marvel. “Why, you must present this to the Queen!”
As Nahk tries to credit Livius as the inventor of the sandwich, Abraham loudly proclaims, “No, it was the bugbear,” as he sips his tea.
During the long tea party, as Senfi asks more about Abraham and Baltsaros’s relationship and starts pressuring them into marrying right then and there (“Wow, torture! What a meet-cute!”), Casimir is under, around, and on top of the table, hunting this dormouse. The hunt gets out of hand and Casimir starts knocking plates and cups around everywhere.
The fairies are gravely offended and demand satisfaction. Since Casimir cannot fight as a cat, he names Abe as his champion. The Marquise names her daughter Senfi as her champion. The two fight, but Abe soundly defeats Senfi since she hasn’t been to Barovia yet. As a reward for besting her daughter (Senfi isn’t too fussed about it and had fun), the Marquise grants each of the heroes a fascinator (a hat like the one Alsindre was wearing). Casimir’s is cat-sized and does not resize when Tibbit-sized (but can still be used, it’s just a normal-sized hat instead).
An A-maze-ing Love
Baltsaros and Abraham decide to get married! They are a bit reluctant since the entire party isn’t there and maybe it’s too fast since they’ve only known each other a few months, and they met when Abe tortured Baltsaros and dated while Baltsaros was enslaved by Abe’s boss, but Senfi assures them they’ll have plenty of time to decide to turn back if they get cold feet. Not thinking to ask why, Baltsaros and Abe enter into two halves of the wedding hedge maze.
Nahk and Cas wait in the center of the maze with the rest of the Marquise’s court. The food starts to rot after day six, but new food is dropped in by giant eagles. Nahk and Cas eat those mushrooms they found and swap sizes! The bugbear is now the size of a large teddy bear (like three feet tall) and Cas is a cat the size of a bugbear. Fun!
By the time Baltsaros and Abraham find the center of the maze, it has been 16 days. It’s unknown how much of that was thinking really hard about their relationship and how much of it was just that it was a hard maze. Regardless they escape, finding their way to each other. Haggard, bearded, stinking, and covered in twigs, they embrace each other as the guests awaken from a 5 day drug binge because they got tired of waiting.
Abe and Baltsaros seal the deal, exchange wooden magic fairy rings, and kiss. They are engulfed by a beam of light and disappear, returning to the Archdruid’s Tomb.
“Well, fuck,” says Cas and Nahk, still size-swapped.
“Maybe if you two get married, you can return to your plane too!” Senfi says.
Cas and Nahk share a moment, but decide better of it. Nahk climbs on Cas’s back and they return to the Marquise’s palace, preparing for their audience with the queen. They each put on their fascinators (now the wrong sizes) and are dressed in tuxes.
What I did on my Summer Court vacation
On their way to the Queen of the Summer Court’s palace, the heroes regale the Marquise’s daughters with their story. Senfi sympathizes and says, “Wow, trapped in a demiplane? That sounds awful. I bet you’re getting really powerful and leveling up though. Whatever that means. Wow, milestone? Sounds arbitrary. I’d hate to level like that. Again, whatever that means.”
Alsindre scoffs. “Who would be stupid enough to fall into a demiplane? What if you die there and are trapped forever as a ghost? Yikes, no thanks.”
The two furry tuxedo pals arrive at the Summer Court. The spread is a lot: apple pies, Dutch apple pies, towering cakes, macaroons, macarons, Peking duck, fountains of booze, fountains of chocolate, fountains of Nutella, tres leches cake, quarto leches cake, the forbidden cinco leches cake, frozen yogurt machines including saffron and cardamom flavors, chicken tikka masala, conveyer belt sushi but all the sushi is on boats and the conveyer belt is a magic river, crepes both sweet and savory, tacos al pastor, three-story rotating spits with kabobs, dim sum carts with xiao long bao and cheung fun noodles, fried chicken and waffles, and an omelette station. It’s the fey wild: all realms touch it. Also every drug is here.
Nahk is totally losing it. He follows Senfi around for a steady supply of rowan berries. Blessedly the party will last two weeks, so is already making a list of what to hit first. As Nahk prepares for his sandwich demonstration today, with Cas hyping him up, he spies a tray of tarts.
“Don’t eat those, they’re for the queen,” Alsindre warns him.
Cas goes off and plays with the other giant animals. There are giant raccoons, giant red pandas (not to be confused with red giant pandas), giant marmosets, giant squirrels, giant chipmunks, giant sparrows. Just so many things to eat. As Cas starts hunting some of the prey animals with the predator animals, he wanders into the expansive gardens. He hears a hushed voice, “Oh shit I know that cat.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah it’s got a mustache. Shit. Don’t look at him. Oh come on.”
Cas turns to see Hespero chatting with the Marquise Sadira, Senfi’s mother. “I gotta go,” Hespero says and produces a rope from his robes. It floats magically in the air, as if hanging from nothing, and tugs on it twice. He disappears. Cas yowls, realizing that Hespero has effortlessly returned to the material plane while he is here, trapped on the fey-side of a demiplane.
“Do you know that guy? He was looking for a mortal too. The one you described. I told him she went into the gardens. Anyway, I have to go. Now that Hespero left, I have to help the god of fortune scout potential Icosahedradome candidates by myself.”
Casimir thanks her and goes deeper into the gardens where he finds the woman from before. She is standing at a table with various beakers and devices, cobbled together from fairy material. He realizes that the awkward social situation with his foe paw probably saved the woman’s life. No one being hunted by Hespero has a good time.
Meanwhile, Nahk begins his demonstration of Livius’s sandwich, giving Livius proper credit.
“So you see, with the two pieces of bread encasing the materials within, the eater may consume the food with their bare hands. And it’s portable!”
A mysterious bearded ranger in a hooded cloak carrying several weapons and a lute steps up to the front of the crowd and proclaims,
“You should try a burrito. It’s like a sandwich but you just wrap up all the filling instead. They have it at station MEX-012.”
“I’ll have to try that,” Nahk says, laughing good-naturedly, “I’ll have to try it all! I can’t wait to share it all with you!”
“My tarts!” You hear a mad voice screaming, echoing through the palace grounds.
The palace guards appear, who up until now, you had not noticed because they were all standing to the side, but you see, they were all giant playing cards. So that’s fun. They arrest you, finding your last comment suspicious. Which is less fun.
The bond you share with your alchemist is marvelous!
Casimir takes no notice, having finally found the woman they were searching for.
“Cas! You’re giant now! That’s fun.” She is still playing with the alchemical formulas and she says, “This place is quite strange. I have been studying with the palace alchemist here for the past few weeks. Erm, what was his name now? No matter.
“You seem to have gotten into some stuff as well. I haven’t found anything new. Just trying to remember the things I used to know. Six hundred years is a long time, but the time I have spent with you all has been the most fun I’ve had maybe ever, even before I changed.”
When Cas, understanding that he is speaking to Alchemist, asks how she has become corporeal again, she responds,
“It is my body but it is strange and shimmering and I do not have to eat as I used to, or like other stuff, but I am like I am now, as a skeleton. But it looks like my body. It must be a fairy illusion. And I can even touch things like I used to.” She picks up the beaker, contemplating its weight, its smoothness, and sets it down. Then she pets you on the forehead, Cas. You gain one bond with Natalya the Alchemist as she confides in you.
Just then a giant wooden golem creature steps out of the woods. Natalya greets him as a friend. But at the same time, Cas sees the squirrel he had been hunting and goes after him.
“Hey that’s my pet!” the wooden golem cries out.
“Professor Oak, please!” Natalya says. “My friend cannot help himself!”
“That’s it! You’re both out of here! Smell you later!”
Professor Oak snatches Casimir just as he reverts to his normal size and steps through a portal he opens up in spacetime.
“What the fuck, you can just do that?” Natalya says as Prof Oak and Cas step out onto the deck of the P.S. Admirable Decision.
There are four Pokemon references in this chapter!\
You’re a crook, Cap’n Nahk
At Nahk’s trial, which totally ruins the party, Nahk’s public defender, Senfi Silverdew, Esquire, tells him to just plead guilty and he’ll get a quicker execution that way. The mushrooms wear off as Nahk reverts to his normal size. “That’s not gonna win you any points,” Senfi says as the bench and shackles break around his ankles. Just then a young fairy named Dede is found, red-handed, crumbs around his mouth and extra tarts in his pocket.
Dede is then swapped in, but Nahk, knowing the consequences and Senfi’s poor legal training, decides to save him. Freed from his chains, he uses his combat prowess to fight his way out of the courtroom with the fairy.
The fairy thanks him and says that he is indebted to him. He gives him a deck of cards as a friendly parting gift and asks him if he wants anything in the world, he can grant it to him.
Nahk looks over his shoulder, lamenting at the missed opportunity to eat food from other realms, and just asks to be sent back to his friends on the demiplane. He steps through the portal Dede opens up into complete darkness.
Casimir, Abraham, Nahk, and Baltsaros each receive:
Fascinator. A ridiculous hat with whatever you want there to be on it. Grants advantage to charisma skill checks when verbally eviscerating someone, which must be role-played.
These are each bound to the recipient and if they are used by another creature, it is just a normal hat.
Rowan berries (10). Eat before eating fairy food and drink (1 per meal) to neutralize the charming effects of fairy food and drink.
These can be consumed by anyone.
Abraham and Baltsaros each receive:
Fairy wedding ring. When you fail a saving throw, you may expend a charge (no action) to re-roll it, thinking of your beloved. This item has one charge which returns at sunrise.
These are each bound to the recipient and if they are used by another creature, they are just rings, and if the recipient loses the ring, they get 1 night on the couch for every week that the ring is missing.
Casimir and Nahk each receive:
Fairy Mushrooms (3). When consumed, roll 1d100. 1-50: Has the effect of reduce. 51-100: Has the effect of enlarge. No saving throw if consumed, if target is unwitting, even if they are unwilling to shrink or enlarge. ^1ce455
Special additional effect for Casimir: *If Casimir consumes this as a cat and becomes enlarged, he is allowed to act as a mount (same stats as cat, but large and additional enlarge effects). See rules for mounted combat. If Casimir is used as a mount *before rolling initiative, he and the rider may act on the same initiative.
These can be consumed by anyone.
Deck of fairy cards. Grants a +5 when using as a gaming deck. This deck has one charge, which it regains at sunrise. You may use an action to expend a charge to perform a magic trick. This is a DC 15 Performance or Sleight of Hand check. You must describe the trick. When used on a hostile creature, the creature is charmed by you until the start of your next turn. When used on a non-hostile creature, it is charmed by you for 10 minutes.
This is bound to the recipient as a gift from Dede. If they are used by another creature, it is just a deck of playing cards with tasteful nudes.
New Mechanic: Strings and Bonds
Strings and bonds will be rewarded based on actions you take during the campaign with your friends and important NPCs. You have them with a particular character. For example:
- Player 1 has 2 strings on player 2
- Player 2 has 1 bond with player 3
You can’t have them with yourself.
You may spend 1 bond as a reaction to allow your bonded companion to reroll any roll during their turn. They must use the new roll. You must be within 60 feet of your companion to use this and you must be able to use a somatic or verbal component (a meaningful look or a word of encouragement). In order to spend this bond, you must role-play a charged scene during the encounter.
Abraham, Nahk, Casimir, and Baltsaros each gain one bond with one another during the fey wild adventure.
Casimir and Natalya each gain a bond with one another.
You may spend 1 string as a reaction to force your indebted companion to reroll any roll during their turn. They must use the new roll. You must be within 60 feet of your companion to use this and you must be able to use a somatic or verbal component (a withering look or a stern word). In order to spend this bond, you must role-play your disapproval of your companion’s action with a stern reminder of what happened last time you pulled this shit.
Every hero but Abraham has 1 string on Mallory for the Embara debacle. Nahk and Hobbes have an additional string on Mallory for accumulated labor grievances, which brings their total to 2 strings each on Mallory.
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